Something Close to Failure

The one thing that I DO NOT WANT TO DO is disappoint my parents. They've worked so hard to get where they're at and for me to fail would be the worst.

It all started when I realized that I did not want to major in biology anymore. My parents had always wanted me to make something of myself in the medical field and I wanted to as well. My dream was to become an anesthesiologist. I became interested in that profession after talking to a couple of anesthesiologists at one of my aunt's dinner parties. I was just so amazed at how they actually had control over someone's life.

This interest also made me feel like I had to apply into a really great school that has a really high percentage of their undergraduates going to medical schools. This search lead me to Baylor Univeristy, Rice University, St. Edward's University, and Trinity. I chose Trinity because I really enjoyed the size of the campus and student to professor ratios.

When I got in, I really wanted to enroll in as much biology classes that I was able to take for my future plans. For my first semester, I enrolled into bio I. I had a so-so time in bio I. I didn't feel like anything hooked me into loving the subject.

This semester, I enrolled into bio II and am actually hating it. My first test in bio II was... horrible. I didn't get what I did wrong. =/. I called my father up really upset and all he told me was "Do what you feel is right." This killed me... I don't know why. My father was giving me a very oportunistic road that I was not taking advantage of.

I'm still deciding whether or not I still have enough passion to continue my education in the subject of biology.

Searching for new roommates!!!!

So my search for a new roommate began a little later than I expected. My current roommate was going to room with some of her sorrority sisters so I had to find a new roommate.

My first choise was my suitemate, Bria, but she hit me with some bad news a few days later when she told me that she was going to move back to Scotland. This was pretty upsetting because I clicked with Bria more than anyone else in my hall.

So I was left with a new search. I asked some people if they knew anyone who needed a roommate, but everyone had already chosen theirs. =(

Anywho... One of my hallmate's best friend, Stephanie, needed a roommate so we went out to dinner at Chipotle to talk about our interests to see if we were compatable with each other.

Stephanie's personality was very similar to mine, so I knew that we wouldn't have any problems if we were to room with each other.

In the end, Stephanie and I decided to become roommates and I can't wait to begin my sophomore year at Trinity!!!

Disappointment

Due to privacy purposes, names have been changed.



You know those times when you wish you were dreaming?

WELL...

I'm experiencing one of those moments NOW.



It all started when one of my friend, Rebecca, was complaining about how she kept putting on unwanted weight. Everyone thought that everything was DANDY until she began missing her monthly "presents from Mother Nature" (commercials on tv nowdays are pretty catching!!!!). She didn't want to believe what was happening to her so she didn't do anything about it and just kind of... IGNORED IT!!!!!

After about a month, she started experiencing stomach pains that were unbearable. Rebecca then took a pregnancy test...

SURPRISE!!!!

She was pregnant. Rebecca didn't know what to do next. She just curled up into a ball and started crying. I did all that I could to comfort her, but nothing would work. She was just so upset that she did this to herself. When I asked her what she wanted to do with her pregnancy, she said that she for sure didn't want to get an abortion but wasn't sure whether or not to put it up for adoption.

The morning after she found out, she made her mind up that she wanted to put it up for adoption.

The next step was to tell her parents and to get a doctor's appointment ASAP! Rebecca didn't know a THING about pregnancies. She didn't even know that she is suppose to take prenatal vitamins! I then started researching information for her and called my aunt, an OBYGN, asking her about what Rebecca should do. My aunt told me what Rebecca should start eating and drinking and how much rest she should take. (She couldn't give me too much information due to malpractice laws.)

After I gave Rebecca all the information that my aunt gave me, the next thing to do was to get her a doctor's appointment. The only problem was that Rebecca doesn't have insurance. She then had to fill out all these forms to apply for government health programs. Once she was done with them, she was able to get an appointment. By the time she went to the doctor, she was already about 6 weeks pregnant. She told me that she began crying when she heard the baby's heart beat during her ultrasound.

Rebecca also called some adoption agencies and was able to fill out some forms for that. She's now in the process of reconsidering her decision about adoption. She doesn't know what's best for her because she's kind of getting attached to her child.

I hope that she figures it out soon...

Second Semester

Second semester has been CRAZY!!!!!

When I got back from Christmas break, I was not looking forward to living on campus again and going to classes. I was actually dreading my trip back to San Antonio. But to my surprise, I began liking Trinity better and my classes better as well.

Last semester, I enrolled in a racquetball class for the spring semester and I believe that has helped relieve some stress from my school work this semester. There's just something about running around the racquetball court and hitting the racquetballs that makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

My other classes were going fine as well. The first day in my Writing Workshop class was pretty scary. My prof. gave me a very weird vibe. I think that she had to have a curse word in every sentence that she said! It was pretty ridiculus how many curse words she said on the first day of class. My other classes were pretty normal though; Bio, Chem, Comp. Sci. all normal.

As the weeks started building up in second semester, I became more aware of the fact that I only have about 3 more years left at Trinity before I'm on my own. The thought of being on my own was pretty frightening. I just couldn't imagine how that would be like. Hopefully it'll be a good thing.

Identity

My first semester at Trinity University has been interesting. I really enjoyed the company of all my hallmates and suitemates, but I couldn't find any enjoyment within myself. (It was probably due to my medication...) Anyway...I found myself pretty depressed at times. I never really spoke to anyone about my feelings because I really didn't feel comfortable with my surroundings. Weird... I know... I had no reason to feel depressed though. I had everything going for me and had great family and friends all around me. I guess I just didn't know what I wanted to do with myself.

Throughout middle school and high school, I felt like I knew who I was. I was in the so-called "popular" crowd and was someone who people looked up to. I never hung out with a single group of people. I enjoyed befriending different crowds, always curious at how they viewed things. I learned a lot from having such a diverse group of friends. When I tried out for cheerleading my freshmen year in high school, I knew that I had found me "calling." I loved the discipline and respect that my team had towards one another. I lived, breathed, and slept cheerleading. I was a natural at it. My felxibility, agility, strength, and motivation helped me become one of the core members on our high school team and competition team. I loved every moment of it.

Now that I'm in a new environment, I get confused at times about what my purpose is. I don't enjoy life as much. I feel like I'm couped up all the time even though I get off campus every chance that I get. It's really weird though... I chose Trinity because I REALLY wanted a small university where I could get more one-on-one time with my professors. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really hope that I find myself at Trinity.

Trouble, First Semester

My first semester at Trinity has been a... well... a pretty interesting one. I had to learn how to live with three other girls who I've never met before. My roommate and suitemates contacted me over the summer while I was vacationing in Jamaica. At first glance, I thought that all of them looked pretty easy going.

The first time that I met them, I felt super lucky that I was paired up with them. One of my suitemates, Mellissa, warned us that she liked taking long showers. She wasn't joking. The morning of the first day of NSO, she spent a good 45 mins in the shower! It's pretty ridiculous how long that girl takes in the shower. My other suitemate, Bria, told us that she likes giggling a lot and that she's never been sad a day in her life. She wasn't joking either. Bria laughs 24/7 and her optimistic attitude will brighten anyones day. My roommate, Kate, told us that she loves shoes. She brought a good 40 pairs to school!

The first half of the fall semester was pretty hard. Bria and I love studying when it is super wuite while Kate and Mellissa like blasting music while studying so we butted heads a couple of times but Kate and Mellissa were really sweet about it and they always turned their music down. We were also annoyed with Mellissa's alarms. Yes, I said "alarms." She used her phone as an alarm, had a radio alarm, and an alarm clock. Weirdly enough, none of them would wake her up... The alarms would wake up our whole hall as well. It was really interesting. She's a really hard sleeper. We were able to resolve this by personally waking her up.

Grades were also a problem. I was doing great in all of my classes except for biology. I LOVED biology before I got to Trinity. I'm sad to say that Trinity kind of made me hate it. I think it was due to all of the readings. They weren't very interesting and I always found myself dosing off while reading it. In the end, I ended up with my first EVER, C.

I also missed my family. I was always use to them being around all the time. They were always involved with all of my activities and was always there to cheer me up. I felt really alone in the Trinity bubble.

Being on Accutane didn't help as well. I had severe headaches and crying spells as side affects from the medication. The only nice part about being on Accutane was that I got to fly home to Houston every fourth Tuesday for about 10 hours for dermatologist appointments.

All in all, my first semester challenged me mentally and physically.